| | |
|
|  |
| Avery's
Campaign Journal Hey spudsters, I’m having a so-so time at the Bush ranch. The worst part has been listening to Babs Jr. and Jenna practice their stand up comedy routine. At first it was amusing in a pathetic kind of way, but after a few goes, their stale punch lines and shrill voices induce massive and throbbing headaches: The kind of pain that only a Bush can give you. After watching (and hearing) the twins’ use parts of their comedy routine as they said grace at the dinner table, I was ready to jam a hatpin into my eardrums. But of course at times like this, you can never find a hatpin when you need one. It was as I was removing one of George’s many shotguns from the wall and debating whether it should be homicide, suicide, or both, that an idea struck me. “Hey girls,” I said, “That material you did on your grandmother at the Republican Convention was pure comedy gold. You should do more of that!” And off the little cherubs went. Giggling together and happy to improvise some more insulting jokes about their Ganny. God bless ‘em; with their bright eyes and potentially embarrassing material... And they didn’t fail to deliver. “Ganny’s so old, she’s like, reptilian,” Eager Jenna tried out on me. “It’s semi-okay,” I said, “but pretty obvious. What else you got?” “My Ganny is such a bitch...” Barbie Jr. was waiting for me to respond. Rolling my eyes I asked, “How much of a bitch is she?” “Um...” Clearly Babs, relying on laughs from the shock value of calling her grandmother a bitch, hadn’t thought the joke all the way through. The poor dear look positively stumped, glanced helplessly to a shrugging Jenna and finally offered, “Um, she still spanks my dad.” “Really?” I asked. I always suspected as much, but it was great to get confirmation. “Oh yeah, and so does Dick,” offered Jenna, “and I’m talking bare bottom, undies down to the knees and everything else.” While I wasn’t entirely sure just what “and everything else” was, I was certainly intrigued. Things were finally getting interesting... Unfortunately that’s when the girls clued into the fact that maybe this kind of information was the kind they probably shouldn’t share. Jenna quickly changed her comic styling direction. “My Ganny’s so old, she thinks Sex and the City is... uh...” “Something a polymorphously perverse Democrat does to a sky scrapper,” I suggested. But Jenna just looked exasperated and stared vacantly at me, like I didn’t know what on earth she was really all about. Reaching for bottles of aspirin and scotch, I had to admit that at least she had that right. And it got me thinking: What is Jenna (or Barbie Jr. for that matter) really all about? MORE TOMORROW –- OR VERY POSSIBLY NOT.Sept 8 / 2004 |
|
|
