| | |
|
|  |
| Avery's
Campaign Journal There’s a 31 page of memorandum floating around on georgewbush.com and johnkerry.com that definitely has the stink of lawyers all over it. In this “page-turner” are the regulations regarding the strict code of rules of debate engagement: And if Bush and Kerry play by this set of commandments the debates are going to be a crashing bore. So for those of us who were hoping for catfights and hissy fits, it looks like all we’re gonna get are regurgitated stump speeches. Yippee. But then isn’t that just typical of the government? They let you believe you’re gonna get ice cream and then they serve you water. Let’s call it the “politics of fun” and acknowledge that there’s simply nothing fun about it. So, here are a few of the rules that are going to turn the debate into an event that will leave glassy-eyed and comatose viewers asking, “Hey, I wonder what’s on The Cartoon Network?” The candidates can’t address each other: In fact, it would be helpful if they didn’t even acknowledge each other... Come on! After spending 2 years trying to avoid each other, I was really looking forward to seeing what happened when they finally got to spit some venom at each other. We’re talking years of repressed anger just oozing to spill out. I had money in a pool on who would be the first to call the other guy “a bitch.” (Kerry, 3minutes 16seconds in.) But now if either guy does it, he risks being, get this, admonished by the moderator. Sigh... No punching or kicking: Now this is an outrage! If they can’t insult each other then they should at least be allowed to follow the basic and original tenets of debating. Cicero wasn’t just good with words, argument and logic – that guy could give a noogie that really hurt, and it served him well. The candidates may not ask each other direct questions, but may ask rhetorical questions: So, Kerry can’t ask Bush how he plans to ensure a quick end to the war, but he can ask him “did all that coke you snorted turn your brain to mush?” which is, a fair enough question, but come on, not only are these guys keeping the gloves on, they’re putting another set of gloves on top of them. Sheesh! No props, notes, charts, diagrams, or other writings or other tangible things may be brought into the debate: Word was that Kerry had an x-ray of George’s head that conclusively proved Mr. Bush doesn’t have a brain. He even got verification that the x-ray is an original document from CBS and Fox News! I gather he also had letters that George had penned to the Wizard of Oz asking him to send him a brain via the mail. Well, he can just put them away. After he loses this thing then he can open a museum of “Freak Bush Curiosities” and show them to the public – until then, keep ‘em to yourself. No crying is allowed: We want to ensure that our future president is vulnerable but we won’t get that opportunity. Word is that George had really practiced hard on this one, meeting with Soap Opera Stars for tips, and that he was also ready to pull out some of his nose hairs to elicit a few tears. And we won’t get to see any of it. What a shame. At no time during these debates shall either candidate move from their designated area behind their respective podiums: John Kerry had been taking dance lessons, and “all for naught!” (Note the Bostonian Brahmin) TV cameras will be locked into place [and] shall be limited to shots of the candidates or moderator...There will be no TV cutaways to any candidate who is not responding to a question while another candidate is answering a question: Boring! On the upside, we will get to hear the director calling the show: I look forward to such pithy directorial questions such as: “Where are the f&*%ing podiums?” The audience for the town hall debate will consist of "likely voters who are ‘soft’ Bush supporters or ‘soft’ Kerry supporters: Here’s a dictionary definition of the audience: soft: (sôft, s Sept 28 / 2004 |
|
|
ft) adj.soft·er,soft·est Out of condition; flabby. Not brilliant. Lacking strength of character; weak. Informal. Simple; feeble.