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Campaign Journal Well, the first big debate is only days away and now that the furor over the NHL strike has petered out, Americans are starting to pay some interest. After all, these babies have the potential to tip a White House race that polls show is close but leaning to Curious George Shrub. Polls also show voters have plenty of concerns about both candidates. While a majority of voters in most polls are worried about the latest rumors that Republican Bush is in fact a robot, (Brand Name: Robotic George: Model M/EK 97) they remain unconvinced Democrat “Kerry on Botoxing” is any more dynamic or spontaneous than a robotic George. “This is Kerry’s last chance to make a first impression — he is still an amorphous and nebulous specter in a myriad of the cerebral cortexes of homosapiens,” said Alan Schroeder, a snooty professor at Northeastern University in Boston who also likes to fling big words around. “Presidential dialect, polemics and debates can wipe the slate clean — they usher in the last act of the campaign. They are the last and rearmost commodities that betide antecedently to the vote, and in a contingent and proximate, or as you troglodytes might call it, “a close race” like this they will be crucial,” he clearly stated. The television audience will be the largest of the campaign, (approximately 500 people!) giving both candidates their best opportunity to court voters and show off their new suits, haircuts and facials. “An ambivalent, or, as you low IQ’s would call them, “undecided” voter at this stage is someone who only knows that they have no certitude in either top banana, or as you simpletons would say, they, “don’t like either guy” the professor continued even though no one asked him to. The first debate on Thursday in Coral Gables, Florida, will focus on Iraq and the war on terror — issues that neither man has shown any particular leadership on. “If I were them, I’d constantly try and switch the subject back to the weather,” The professor said, “the weather is a safe subject for both of them. George’s thoughts on then sun are particularly poignant and Mr. Kerry can speak quite eloquently about fog – which is a lot trickier than it sounds.” Sept 27 / 2004 |
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