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| Avery's
Campaign Journal A pumped up and rather thrilled John F. Kerry is planning to capitalize on the momentum from his strong debate performance by shifting the focus to President Bush's scowling mug. “Is that the face of a president?” Mr. Kerry asked while showing images of the petulant president. “Gee whiz, would it kill him to smile? He should do it more often, of course now he knows that. And he’s got such a lovely smile. Really, it makes him look like Alfred E. Newman. ‘What? Me President?’” Thursday's debate produced a dramatic psychological shift in the presidential race, and those swing voters (you know ‘em, there the ones who still haven’t decided whether to eat Campbell’s Chunky Soup with a fork or a spoon) now seem to have swung back to Kerry – for today. Yesterday found the candidates in the nation's two most important battlegrounds, with Bush doing the funky chicken in Ohio and Kerry rallying supporters and doing the lo-co-motion in Florida. Bush hammered Kerry as an elitist snob, and Kerry said Bush chews food with his mouth open. Proving that their heads really were in the clouds and up their asses, Bush’s advisers were described as stunned by how negative the reviews were of the president's performance, which many of them regarded as not his best but not so bad. Bush was portrayed as upbeat while acknowledging to supporters that he knew he could have done better. His aides indicated they plan some retooling before Friday's debate, (get ready for the terrorist threat level to go Code Orange) but they maintained a sense of outward confidence. “We just need to replace his batteries and give him a quick diagnostic,” Karl Rove (aka: Satan’s Drinking Pal) said. “When you’re operating with a robotic president sometimes you have to be careful with the settings. I think we accidentally set him on ‘Hunched Over Snooze’ for the last debate, but we won’t make that mistake twice. Next time we’ll set the Robotic George Bush MX-9L on ‘Attack’ that will probably help us. Because, right now, we need all the help we can get.” Oct 2 / 2004 |
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