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| Avery's
Campaign Journal The Supremely Smart Court has refused to place America’s latest punch line (Ralph Nader) on the ballot in Pennsylvania, upholding a state court finding of flawed signatures on voter petition sheets that included the names of such luminaries as Fred Flintstone and Daffy Duck. Both Mr. Duck and Flintstone are said to be furious, and Mr. Duck has issued a press release that states (among other things) “suffering succotash – this means war!” Mr. Darth Nader and his Republican lawyers asked the high court on Thursday to review Pennsylvania’s decision and to, “Come on, be good guys, let me on the ballot.” Nader’s paperboy and his campaign spokesman Bobby Perkings called the decision “Really stinky. It sucks,” and said that the always deluded Nader would continue to appeal decisions made on the state level, “even after the election, even after he’s dead, even after hell freezes over. He’s just that much of a moron.” Nader’s request for a review went to Justice David H. Souter, who laughed the whole farce off and then told Nader that he didn’t have time to refer the matter to the full court because he had booked a tee-off time at his local golf course. “I’ve got other fish to fry,” he told Ralphie. The Supreme Court has not yet acted on a similar appeal from Nader involving Ohio, but it is believed that they too all have a lot of golfing to do. Nader contended that Pennsylvania courts improperly excluded signatures from more than 15,000 state residents who are not registered to vote. He said such a requirement is a violation of First Amendment rights of expression and association and that this whole process was starting to piss him off. On Tuesday, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court upheld a lower court that had found the petition sheets were “rife with forgeries.” The lower court determined that fewer than 19,000 of the more than 51,000 signatures submitted were valid; Nader needed at least 25,697 to be listed on the ballot. Mr. Flintstone, who says he resents being called “a forgery,” insists he signed the petition and continues to support Mr. Nader, referring to him as the “Yabba Dabba Dude.” Oct 24 / 2004 |
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