| Avery's
Campaign Journal
The
Campaign In the USA
June
25/2004
Part the Fourth: George Bush has just shot John Kerry dead
and seriously wounded Avery Ant after giving the wrong answer in a Trivial Pursuit
Geography question (Geography isn't George's best subject). Determined to see
things through to the end even though it makes no sense, our loveable lunk-head
of a president is close to winning the game.
George rolls the
dice.
George: One…
Avery: And on the other side of the
dice is a five and that makes six. You're in. I'll give you an Entertainment question.
Okay, what's your favorite TV sitcom?
George: Umm, hmm, that's a tough
one. There are so many good ones these days. I'm gonna need to think about that…
A long pause.
Avery: Today, George, if you don't mind.
George:
Okay. Um, is football a sitcom?
Avery: You freaking moron… I…
Well, let' see… Okay, Joe Namath played football… and he's a character…
Oh, and I think he guest voiced on "The Simpsons" and that's a sitcom!
By George, you're absolutely right Georgie. You win. Kerry dies and I get to go
to the hospital.
George: I won?
Avery: Absolutely. Yes, you won.
Now please, call me an ambulance.
George: Okay… Hey, wait a minute.
If I call an ambulance the police will come and I'll go to jail.
Avery:
Okay, George, this is no time to discover logic. Just pick up the phone!
George:
And if I go to jail then I'll probably lose my job as President and everything.
Avery:
Look, George…
George begins to put away the game and put on his
coat.
George: But if I just left you two here to die… Well, no
one would ever know. And that way you and Kerry wouldn't pose a threat to me…
Much like Iraq and Al Qaeda pose a threat to the American people. Because, they're
working together, I'm just sure about that… Yeah, this plan of mine might
be crazy enough to work… I just have to keep convincing myself… And
if I can do that enough, well, then I'll believe it!
Avery: Bush! Get your
sorry ass back in here! Bush!
George Bush laughs and closes the door behind him.
June
24/2004
June
23/2004
June
22/2004
June
21/2004
June
20/2004
June 19/2004
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