Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

June 18/2004

My favorite guy to go trolling for the ladies with, Bill "Horny Toad" Clinton, says in his new autobiography that his wife looked as if he had punched her in the gut when he finally confessed to his affair with Monica Lewinsky, and he slept on the couch for at least two months after that. "But," the president chuckled, "it was worth it!"

The former president wrote that the affair with the White House intern was "the darkest part of my inner life, because, well, this time I really was caught with my hand in the cookie jar, and try as I might to get out of it, I was so totally busted. That's the only reason I fessed up. And it really bummed me out! "

The book, "Sexing It Up In The White House - My 8 Years of Bedding And Bagging Beauties, Broads, and Babes" is expected to be one of the biggest publishing sensations in years. And while reports have been circulating that there will be, um, err, candid photos of Mr. Clinton chasing after other interns in The White House, "wearing nothing but a lascivious smile and a limp appendage" the ex President and all round hound dog, is apparently furious about the innuendos centered on his 'petered out penile performance' and has downplayed these rumors, which he describes as, "unfounded, unless they are proven to be true."

What Mr. Clinton really seems to be delighted about is the fact that his "sex diaries" are almost certain to outsell his wife Hillary Rodham Clinton's memoirs, published last year. "Which means I win - again!" Mr. Clinton was quoted as saying.

He wrote that after he finally confessed ("which I can't stress how much that bummed me out") to Mrs. Clinton, after months of public denials, she appeared stricken, and the couple started going to counseling one day a week. Apparently it was around this time that Mr. Clinton began a sexual liaison with the counselor who, according to Bill, "had a cute little ass."

Mrs. Clinton said in her own memoir, "Living History," that she "wanted to wring Bill's neck" upon learning the truth and that at one point, Buddy the dog was the only member of the family willing to keep the president company. It should be noted that Hilary never confirmed or denied the rumors that Mr. Clinton apparently also sexually harassed the poor dog. Buddy, who was unavailable for comment, is currently touring as a roadie with Aerosmith.

June 17/2004
June 16/2004
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