Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

June 1/2004

I fear Curious G. may be losing it. Swung by his pad for grape knee-highs and while we were relaxing in a couple of lawn chairs on the White House front lawn, the strangest thing happened. It went exactly like this...

George: And then I grabbed him by the collar, threw him up against the wall, broke his nose, and told him next time, I'd give him some more of the Bush slap-down.

Avery: You beat up the paperboy???

George: He had it coming to him. Delivering that New York Times, filled with its asshole reporters.

Avery: George, it's the New York Times, it's not like it's a credible paper -- like The World Weekly News. And anyway, you can't go up beating children.

George: Why not? Someone's gotta slug the messenger. And I didn't beat him up: I just broke his nose. It's a life lesson for the kid. In a few years he'll probably come back and thank me.

Avery: George, I've seen the kid, he's got asthma and weighs about 75 lbs.

George: Hey, it's not like I started it. I had warned him that he had better start delivering more positive news, and he didn't do what I ordered… Man, it was fun to smack him down. It was like the good ol' hazing days at University, and burning those initiates with my cigarette. Or when I was back in high school and beating up the kindergarten kids.

George is now standing and shadowboxing

George: Yes siree, I've still got it… Bingo! Bango!

Avery: I don't know what it is, but you can have it.

George: Lighten up Avery. You can't imagine the adrenaline rush. I feel alive - like when I ducked out of my war duties. All I can say is that those Girl Guides better watch out next time they come buy peddling their crappy cookies.

Avery: Oh, George.

George: Hey, I'm kidding. You seen those girls? They're big! Ha, ha, ha!

TOMORROW: PART 2 - THE PAPERBOY RETURNS WITH A SHOCKING REVELATION. STAY TUNED …

May 31/2004
May 30/2004
May 29/2004
May 28/2004
May 27/2004
May 26/2004

The Campaign In the USA

The Campaign In Canada