Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

July 2 / 2004

Who should John Kerry choose as his veep? It should be someone with traits that my blandsome buddy is sorely lacking. Someone with a dynamic personality and bad (if no) hair; someone who will laugh at his jokes, and definitely not a Republican who will reject him.

Utilizing his Skull and Bones secrecy skills, Johnny is being rather coy about all of this, and the resulting aura of mystery is actually making him seem rather exciting. So he might want to keep us guessing as long as he can. Like until, let’s say, November.

Word is he’s going to settle on someone almost totally out of the blue and that he’s still accepting resumes.

Might I offer up a few unexpected, and I believe, good choices for John.

• Whoopi Goldberg – John gets to be the funny one!
• Paris and Nicole. They’ll sex John Kerry up. Watch the youth vote skyrocket.
• Bat Boy – Not only is he fun and freaky looking, but he also fought in Iraq.
• Hilary Clinton. Sure, she strenuously denies that she would accept the offer even if Kerry came begging, but she’s always give in to begging presidents before, so why should she suddenly say ‘no’ to this one?
• Saddam. Okay, not the most popular choice, but must politics always be a popularity contest? (Oh, right, it must) One thing’s for certain, he would be helpful when it came to Bush bashing.
• An “Orange PCL Pencil.” Thereby making John the “exciting one.”

TOMORROW: More fascinating Veep choices… Or maybe something entirely different!

July 1/2004
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