Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In the USA

July 1/2004

Well, I’ve got just over four months until Election Day to capture the public’s imagination and to get them to see that not only am I a major stud, but that I’ve got what it takes to run the USA. Right now, (according to the latest NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll) the majority of Americans believe the nation is headed in the wrong direction and that President Pinocchio Bush happily and deliberately misled us naïve folk to make his case for war in Iraq. Yet even with those less-than-sterling numbers for the president, the survey also shows that George has a decent shot of pulling it off again.

Which sets a great precedent, doesn’t it? Sure, you can lie to all of the folks all of the time, but half of them will still vote for you all of the time. It’s almost as ridiculous as Nicole Kidman saying that the reason she’s looking so painfully thin is because of her hairstyle. I guess some people might buy it – but come on!

According to the poll, which was conducted by Hart/Teeter, Bush gets the support of 45 percent of registered voters, Kerry gets 44 percent, and independent candidate Ralph Nader gets 4 percent. Nader is not yet officially on any state ballot, so there’s still plenty of time for him to screw it all up for the Democrats.

“Kerry has a ways to go to be able to take advantage of Bush's weaknesses," said Peter D. Hart, a Democratic pollster. “Right now, what he could use is some damning photos of George Bush having sex with a Panda Bear. American will forgive and vote for a liar, but not a dude who does the nasty with Chinese herbivorous mammals.”

It should be noted that while Mr. Bush has a rather sordid past, there is no evidence linking him with Panda Bears – yet!

“This is one cranky and unhappy electorate," pollster Hart continued (even though no one had asked him to), “and that could possibly be a tremendous liability for Bush if those numbers don't improve this fall. Right now, my advice to him would be to try and steal this election much in the same way he did the last one. Hey, it worked before, right?”

June 30/2004
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