Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In Canada

May 27/2004

Because I'm such a swell guy and wise politicant, I gave Mr. Martin a few tips on how he can distance himself from Dalton and the provincial liberals. They included:

1. A name change: "Those political gas bags formerly known as The Liberal Party" has a nice ring to it. Now that Prince has paved the way and paved it back again, I don't think they'd have to worry about copyright infringements. In fact, the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince might even be willing to pen our pal, Paul, a top 40 party-anthem.

2. Or he could get his new rocker-buddy, Bono to write a tune about his feelings about Mr. McGuinty. Something like: "I can't win with or without you."

3. Better yet: Put together a magical act. He could call himself, "The Great Martini," pull a Dalton out of his hat, saw him in half, and then make him disappear.

4. Or the capper: A caged wrestling match: Prince Paul could call himself, "The Friendly Fed." Dandy Dalton could be "The Provincial Tax Terror." Once in the ring, Dalton could take one for the team, letting Paul the "hit man" Martin, body-slam him senseless. After all, nothing says, "you and I have nothing in common" like locking someone's head between your legs.

He should pay me for such charity.

Bumped into Duceppe at an all-night underground rave: You know, I keep forgetting that he's running in this thing.

May 26/2004
May 25/2004

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