Avery's Campaign Journal

The Campaign In Canada

June 8/2004

Oh dear… I fear I made a terrible mistake in engaging our PM, aka, The Great Martini, in these "practice rounds" for the debate. The guy called me at 4.am last night and when I picked up the phone the first words out of his mouth were, "Nipples: Friend or Foe? Let's Debate! I'll go first. I'll take the pro nipple position. Okay, first off they look funny. Second, the word nipple is funny, and let me assure you that my colleagues and I will work as hard as we possibly can with fellow citizens in all our communities, large or small, so that our country can reach its full potential in nipple understanding and opportunity."

It was around here that I tried to get a word in edgewise and explain to him that for God's sake it was four o'clock in the morning and what the hell was he blathering on about? But no luck: Paul was ready to talk teat. "My pro nipple position will have a positive impact on people's lives by strengthening Canada's economy, social, and nipple foundations. And anyone who disagrees is a total knob."

There was a rather long pause until he finally told me it was my turn to rebut. Summoning up all my memories of university and my studies of Socrates, Kant and Jo-Jo The Dog Faced Boy, I retorted with, "Yeah, nipples may seem like the answer to all our problems, but they will never usher in an era of new Canadian politics for one simple reason: They are unreliable… For example, in cold weather a nipple will stick out, but in warm weather it won't stick inward. Canadians will never accept that."

Another pause. I knew I had him. Paul coughed, said something about "look at the time," and told me he'd get back to me later on this whole trans glandular issue. Now there's a phone call I'm looking forward to.

June 7/2004
June 6/2004
June 5/2004
June 4/2004
June 3/2004
June 2/2004
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The Campaign In Canada

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