| Avery's
Campaign Journal
The
Campaign In Canada
June 24/2004
So,
I was at the Much Music Video Awards flogging my latest single, "I Am The
Ant Man!" and generally acting badly like all rock starts are supposed to.
That's when I noticed that the great-unwashed singer/songwriter, Sam Roberts,
was wearing a button that said, "Stop Harper." Now, while I've got nothing
against that particular sentiment, I was still heavily cheesed at Sam, because
he had promised he was gonna wear a "Don't Fear The Antster" button
along with a T-Shirt that read, "I want to rock n' roll all night, and party
Avery day!" (Which he also wasn't wearing.)
When
I asked him, "What gives, Judas?" he confessed that Avril L. and Sarah
M. had pressured him into wearing the button.
"I really wanted to
get dressed up in your gear, 'cause you're the ant, Avery," he told me, "but,
boy, do those ladies hate that Harper guy! The pair of 'em knocked me down and
gave me a wedgie until I agreed to wear their damn button. And when Avril and
Sarah gang up on you, it's impossible to say no."
-----
I
called Duceppe to give him a hard time. Things had been going too well for the
stalker and star of "Reeferendum Madness" and to be frank, I was glad
to see him finally have to swing into damage control. He sounded, to put it nicely,
perturbed and panicky.
"I don't have time to make the nice-nice with
you, Ant Buddy!" he screamed into the phone, "I got to find 'de executioner
to take care of 'dat loud-mouthed Bloc Head, Landry! Damn, but 'dat guy, he always
ruins 'de tings for us!"
I said yeah, "but at least he doesn't
attack the Jewish community in public… Oh wait, there was that incident where
he verbally abused a hotel clerk who was of ethnic background, ranting that immigrants
were allowed into this country only to turn around and vote NO… Oh well,
at least he's nowhere near as bad as Pierre Bourgault or Parizeau; not that that's
saying much."
Duceppe muttered something about making sure that Landry's
"sorry butt has been tossed into 'de Bastille before Bastille Day…"
I wished him luck with all that, but Gilles was now on a roll, "And what's
wit' 'dat moron showing up beside me at a photo op and telling me 'e's going to
get a 'aircut? What a foolish, flop-sweating, francophone. Anyway, I got to go…
Mon Dieu!"
Have to admit, with this new little problem on his hands,
I think it's safe to say that Gilles will no longer be stalking this loveable
lil' Ant Buddy of his.
-----
"Most seats wins: Martin"
....................................Headline,
Toronto Star
Wow! Thanks Paul. That's… really… profound. Here
are some other thoughtful and insightful gems from the man who wants to run the
country… "Big isn't small." "Harper bad, me good"
"Chocolate is yummy" "I can act like PM" "Summer is hot"
"I can act in TV sitcom" "Whoops, I spill coffee" "Did
handler tell you to talk all night?" "I can blow bubbles" "Dog
is pet, but also food" "I get to bottom of it" "Me promise
to be better this time"
June
23/2004
June
22/2004
June
21/2004
June
20/2004
June
19/2004
June
18/2004
Canadian
Archives
The Campaign
In Canada
The Campaign In the USA |
