"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
October 20
The
Tarzan Journals
Part 2
Embrace
literature! Read and become
cultivated. Sure, some might say that where there's culture there's bacteria,
but they... Actually, that's a pretty good line.
As
some of you may know (The
Tarzan Journals ), I am currently flipping through the pages of the “The
Return of Tarzan” the sequel to Edgar Rice Burroughs wildly successful,
“Tarzan of the Apes”. I am now
about 55 pages into the book and have to say it lacks the jungle excitement
and guilty-pleasure-luster of the original. Instead
of swinging about from vines and bashing the heads of apes into mashed pulp,
the ape-man now visits cafes in Paris, drinks absinthe, smokes cigarettes and
laments the state of mankind. Oh Tarzan, what the hell happened to you? You
used to be so cool and savage. Ah well, on the upside I have learned some
interesting tidbits. For instance:
1. It would appear that even the
most despicable criminals back then had a highly refined sense of manners and
etiquette. Cheese off a thug in 1913 and he wasn’t likely to cut your throat
but instead write you a nastily worded warning letter.
M. Tarzan:
Doubtless you did not realize the gravity of your offense, or you would not
have done the thing you did today. I am willing to believe that you acted in
ignorance and without any intention to offend a stranger. For this reason I
shall gladly permit you to offer an apology, and on receiving your assurances
that you will not again interfere in affairs
that do not concern you, I shall drop the matter.
Otherwise – but I am sure you will see the wisdom of adopting the course I
suggest.
Very respectfully,
NIKOLAS ROKOFF.
Wow.
This almost (almost) makes me nostalgic for the days when criminals sat
down and wrote out their feelings; carefully explaining why they were about to
murder and burgle you. I can see
the dastardly Rokoff now: A cup of
Orange Pekoe tea in one hand and feather tipped quill in the other.
It may not be a terrifying image but it is mildly disturbing.
And wasn’t that kind of him to pay his respects? Not enough cads,
bullies and curs do that nowadays, do they?
2. I think it’s safe to say that Mr. Burroughs was, to put it kindly,
something of a racist.
”It does not seem right that women
should fear men,” said Tarzan, an expression of puzzlement on his face. “I
am better acquainted with the jungle folk, and there it is more often the
other way around, except among the black men, and they to my mind are in most
ways lower in the scale than the beasts.”
Gee, that’s awfully enlightened, Tarzan… Okay, you get a notch in your
coconut for your progressive views on women and then a coconut to the head for
your backward musings on race. I’m
not sure if we can compare ol’ Tarzan (and Mr. Rice) to a clan member, so
let’s just chalk it up to the observations of an ape-man with no formal
education who is seriously lacking any type of sensitivity in the arena of
political correctness. Still, you should see the guy in a bathing suit!
3. Women fainted a lot more back
then…
By my count, the Countess de Coude has done it three times so far (and
remember, I’m only 55 pages in – my guess is she’ll do it at least five
more times… Hmmm, maybe I should start a “Countess de Coude fainting
Pool”).
As always... More later!
Meanwhile...
Ten Men Who
Can’t Do Drag
The
Monsters That Tucked Me In
Satan’s New Image
The 12
Strange Faces of Jesus
 Liner
Notes From Bad Albums
Twisted
Toys In The Attic
 Movie
Monsters From Way Back
What
to say in a Job Interview
Journals of Leon
Schlesinger
Powerful
Superwomen
 Top
Ten Books of Summer 2005
Fashion Faux
Pas
Last Christmas is so 2005...
Only 67 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to
the top)
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