"I Think, Therefore I Ant."

October 4

Bored Game

INT. HOUSE -- NIGHT

Joan, Cal and Rick bored and listless.

Rick: What do you guys wanna do?

Joan: I dunno, I'm bored.

Cal: Me too, I'm bored.

Rick: Well so am I. I'm bored to tears but that doesn't mean we should sit around doing nothing.

Joan: Well what else can we do?

Rick: Let's play a bored game.

Cal: A bored game?

Rick: Yeah, a bored game.  Like (pulls game out)“Lackluster” that dull new bored game for the terminally bored.

Joan: What do we do?

Rick: Nothing really. We role the dice and move our pieces around the track.

Cal: But what's the point?

Rick: There is no point.  No money, no points, no score.  You just go endlessly in circles -- just like life.

Joan: I don't know.

Cal: Sounds boring.

Rick: It is.  It's the ultimate bored game.  You don't think, don't have to answer questions, you just move around.  It's like a civil service job without the pay cheques.

Joan: Well it's better than nothing.

Rick: But it is nothing, that's the beauty of it.  And it never ends, it goes on and on, you win when you die because you're the first to finish.

Cal: I wanna be the ironing board.

Joan: I wanna be the paper clip.

Rick: And I'll be the dental floss.  Okay, lowest roll goes first.

     
    This Week’s Featured Album:
   Heavy Load: Stronger Than Evil

Liner Notes.

Side One

1. Rockin’ With The Devil
2. Talkin’ With The Devil
3. Walkin’ With The Devil
4. Squawkin’ With The Devil
5. The Devil’s Coming! (Look Busy)
6. Satan is The Devil (The 666 Song)
7. The Devil is Satan (The, “We’re Running Out Of Ideas” Song)

Side Two

1. Folklore Rockers In Goblin Hades
2. More Songs About Satan and Hell
3. I Love You (Ballad To Satan and/or A Chick With Big Tits)
4. Do The Beelzebub
5. Rock N’ Roll Mephistopheles Gets The Groupies
6. Evil Spelt backwards, God spelt backwards, Bob spelt backwards...?
7. Plant The Demon Seed... And Maybe Some Petunias and Daisies    


Rock on! Satan! I’m talking about the archfiend, the beast, brute, devil, evil spirit, fiend, goblin, hellion, imp, incubus, malignant spirit, monster, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, and any other names that you can call Satan... I found these ones in a Thesaurus... Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! This album rocks harder than Satan and Lucifer at a Kiss and Ozzy concert! Rock N’ Roll, man! Yahoo!! Satan lives! Cool!! Well, hot... in Hell... And this album is hotter than it... Hell, that is... So... um, keep rocking. Rocking... Hard, yeah, hard to this most excellent album. Um... Satan... Yeah, Satan wants you to know that this album is... totally... Satanic. Yeah... Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Rock on... Um, Satan Rules... 666... Keep rocking... We’re coming to your town, man. This isn’t the last you’ll be hearing of Heavy Load...! At least, I hope not... Our singer’s talking about quitting and we jam in his parent’s basement... We need him. He buys the pot and writes the lyrics. It would be pretty heavy if he quit. Hah! “Heavy!” Get it? Like in Heavy Load. Our band, man!!!
Rock n’ roll...!

Glenn (Rhythm Guitar) 1983

Cover art: A Repressed Homosexual  © 1983 Rock Pig Records


Also!
A new and great tune, White Lines, from The Party Party at www.thepartyparty.com.  While you’re visiting, check out http://www.abandcalledme.com/ I’ve become addicted to the song, dv luvva. 

Your Horoscope:

 

Aries: Honesty really isn’t your thing, is it? (There’s no need to answer; that was a rhetorical question. And anyway, we all know your answer – it’s a lie.)
Taurus: You are proud of achieving nothing. Hey, whatever works (or doesn’t) for you.
Gemini: Speaking of nothing...Yesterday’s solar eclipse was a whole lot of that.
Cancer: The time has come to put a family squabble behind you and focus on your most recent office squabble.
Leo: You will continue to view goblins as grotesque elfin creatures of folklore, thought to work mischief or evil.
Virgo: You need a holiday to relax after your last holiday. Proving what we all suspected, Virgos are the laziest people on this earth.
Libra: A good sense of direction is valuable. Add it with a good sense of humour and a good sense of self loathing and that makes you a self loathing yukster who knows where they are.
Scorpio: Use your umbrella as a weapon.
Sagittarius: See above.
Capricorn: This is potentially the best day of the year, so make sure you... Wait, that was yesterday. Carry on.
Aquarius: Your gerbil is glad it isn’t you.
Pisces: A problem you have tried to solve by braining with a golf club has only left you a bloody floor to be mopped up. 

              Tom Cruise Insanity Watch 
           Today: Guarded      
   (Check Back For Daily Updates)

                      

Tom Cruise's Wedding Planner

Tommy Cruiser! Rich, successful, handsome, a movie star and... Marrying Katie Holmes...? But, we all thought... You know, tra la la...

As you may also know, Tom is writing a secret “wedding journal” that includes his thoughts on his wedding night, or “Mission Impossible III” as he’s calling it.

Let’s spend the next few days pouring over it. Shall we?

My Alien Wedding Planner by Tommy Cruiser:

Just in. I spent a long night out “slumming it.” You know, it really is fun to stay at the YMCA.  

Babies...

INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT

Judy and George in bed.  The sound of a baby crying wakes them.

GEORGE: I don't believe this...what time is it?

JUDY: Three a.m.

GEORGE: Good God it's like clockwork.  Who's turn is it?

JUDY: Yours...I was up an hour ago.

GEORGE: Well so was I...

JUDY: (pleading) Just make it stop George, please!

Judy turns over and pulls pillow over her head.

GEORGE: Alright...alright...

George sits up in bed.

GEORGE (CONT'D): FOR CHRIST'S SAKE SHUT UP!!

The crying stops.  George lies back down.  After a moment, the crying starts again.

GEORGE (CONT'D): Judy...Judy...I did everything I can.  You're up.

Judy hits George with her pillow, gets up and walks to bedroom window. 

JUDY: Good God George!!  There are five of them.

GEORGE: Five?  Where?

George gets out of bed and walks to window.

JUDY: Out by the composter.  See, right there.

George removes slipper and throws it.

GEORGE: God damned babies...people should be forced to keep them in at night.  Look at the filthy little things.  If I had any nerve I'd put them in a sack and deal with them the same way my father did.

JUDY: George, don't be awful. Shoo...shoo now...go home...

GEORGE: You know why they're here don't you?  It's that god damned Wilson baby.  See the way he's peeing all over my trash cans.  That brings them in hordes.  Well I'll tell you one thing, Wilson is getting a call from me in the morning.

JUDY: (pause) Maybe they just like it here.

GEORGE: My God Judy, you haven't been breast feeding them have you?

JUDY: Well...

GEORGE: Great, now we'll never get rid of them.

JUDY: I couldn't help it George.  It was raining out and the skinny one with the birthmark came scratching at the door...He was so cute and scraggly.  George why can't we have one of our own?

GEORGE: Judy, how many times do I have to tell you... I'm allergic.

JUDY: But the doctor said there are drugs...pills you can take.

GEORGE: Not now Judy!!  (looks out window) Oh great now their crawling all over my car and leaving greasy little footprints all over my hood and windows.  Get off my car!  I'll  never get any sleep.

JUDY: Maybe if we sung to them...lull them to sleep.

GEORGE: I think their diapers are leaking...

JUDY: George...a lullaby.

GEORGE: Alright...

BOTH: (singing) “You’re once, twice, three times a baby...”

JUDY: It's working.  Look, the one in the birch tree just nodded off.

GEORGE: I guess it is kinda cute...

JUDY: Those bald heads are so adorable.

They gaze out the window for a moment and then turn toward each other.

GEORGE: I love you honey.

JUDY: I love you too.  But I've got to get some sleep.  So go out there, put them in a box and we'll drop them all at Wilson's front door.

GEORGE: Gotcha!

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