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"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
November 26
Avery's Campaign Journal 2005
Ordinary citizens are clamouring for a bold and visionary Prime Minister who
will lead them to better times in this new and challenging century... Others
want Avery Ant to run.
Canadian Election Insanity
Today:
Severe
(Check Back For Daily Updates)
Smear
Campaigns
Yes, by all indications this is going to be one nasty campaign filled with mud slinging, bitch
slapping, juicy shenanigan spewing, dirty trick politics.
Wasting no time whatsoever, Paul Martini’s Liberals are already rubbing their
sweaty hands together in glee over some of the negative election campaigns that
will unfold over three phases of this political dust up. The particularly
effective and fear mongering ones will be run in phase three, when they expect
most Canadians to be listening.
I can't wait!
”We had some really great turkey Xmas campaign content that would have taken the
stuffing out of Harper, ha, hey wait, I gotta write that down...” said a
skulking Liberal strategist, while hanging about in the shadows and eating what
appeared to be a hundred dollar bill, “but in the spirit of the fucking
holidays, we decided to pass. However we do have a festively sinister campaign,
Paul is depicted as Santa and Stephen is a homophobic, racist, Scrooge or
Grinch-like creature. And while we will spend a little money on radio,
television and print ads before Christmas and New Year's, we’ll bring out the
big guns after. Bweehahahah!”
Voters will then be
bombarded with Liberal election advertising beginning the two weeks after New
Year's that will continue to the end of the campaign, either on Jan. 16 or Jan.
23.
Liberal
strategists have already come up with some “deliciously vile” negative campaign
concepts that include:
Painting Mr. Harper as a scary, right-wing politician (a real stretch!)
Depicting Mr. Harper as an ogre feasting on the bones of homeless children
Photo-shopping Mr. Harper’s image to make him look like a lapdog getting a tummy
rub from George Bush
Oh just kiss and make up! If only
they
realized how much alike they are. Why
they'd probably both shoot themselves!
And wouldn't that be a wonderful thing?
Conrad Black, You
Can’t Come Back!
So, my dear old pal, Conrad Black now wants his Canadian citizenship back, does
he? That little piece of paper that he once called an “impediment to my
progress in another more amenable jurisdiction."
Sorry snookums, but you can’t renounce it to become Lord Loudmouth of the
Schnook when it suits your needs and then come crawling back and beg the feds
for it because as a Canadian citizen you could request a transfer to a
cozy and polite Canadian jail if you were convicted in the United States.
And anyway, it’s not like you’re guilty, right?
Joint Bones
Fun! Fun! Fun! Check out
Movie Bunny
The latest video from Bush Flash is graphic stuff: it’s also important, powerful,
and must be seen: Prevail
In case you haven’t, I suggest you get slightly morbid and totally interactive with
The Tombstone Generator
bartcop do yourself a big favour and visit.
I saw this
light show over at
Doug’s Dynamic Drivel Thanks Doug!
1950’s propaganda film warning boys to
beware of homosexuals
Your Horoscope
Aries:
Hey slow down, where’s the fire? What? In your basement? Then what the hell are
you doing reading this?
Taurus:
If a loved one comes to you asking for a loan, stop loving them and say “no.”
Gemini: You're famous for your fondness for creature comforts like
chocolates, pillows, fine wine, imported opium, rare bathroom pharmaceuticals,
stuffed giraffe’s necks, warty hog liver, harem girls, asphyxiation sexual
techniques, and... Wait, where am I going with this?
Cancer: Now that it's all over and peace has been restored it’s
time to look for a new fight. Hey, you’re a Cancer, it’s what you do.
Leo: You will continue to view demons as evil supernatural beings.
Virgo: You will continue to view daimons as inferior deities.
Libra: See below.
Scorpio: A monkey wrench will get thrown into your plans -- and
result in something involving a monkey and a wrench... What did you expect?
Sagittarius: You will continue to be great. Or to grate. Either’s
applicable.
Capricorn: Your horoscope isn’t nearly as good as Leo’s, and let’s face
it, Leo’s was pretty lame.
Aquarius: Hot soup is not your friend.
Pisces: It’s not often you insist on expressing your opinions... Ha! Yeah,
right!
HEY KIDS, IT’S TIME FOR MORE
ASK FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER...
Advice for the
lovelorn, stitch-faced, bolt headed, confused, possibly Transylvanian and all
monstrous stops in-between and between the in-between.
Ask Frank!
Dear
Frankenstein’s Monster:
I’m fabulous, newly married, shiny, blessed with wonderful teeth and the
most loving and supportive in-laws. However, I hate dogs and my in-laws have one
which they treat like a baby. They dress it up in clothes, and more
disturbingly, when they’ve finished eating, pass their plates and bowls to the
dog for it to lick clean. It’s disgusting, right?
Frankenstein’s Monster Say:
Mmmggh. Dogs no like Frankenstein and Frankenstein no like dogs. But
Frankenstein does think dog taste good. Frankenstein very Asian in his thinking
this way... Ha, ha, ha... Frankenstein joke, Frankenstein joke. But Frankenstein
will tell you that dog’s saliva has less bacteria than human’s. So Frankenstein
suggest you start kissing dog on mouth until you comfortable with eating off the
same plate as dog. It not pretty solution, but Frankenstein not pretty monster!
Mrraggghhhhhhhh!
This Week's 10 Favorite Search Terms for
Avery Ant
The following are this week’s favorite 10 search queries
people used to get to www.averyant.com
(really!)
bridal foot fetish
elmo hates gay
sex scenes of the ants
interview with golf caddy
avery england
russian groin kicks
séance recipes
synchronicity and soup
election insanity
pious avery
Only 29
Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to the top)
To read all the other very exciting editions of
"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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