"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
June 7
Is Howard
Dean a Liability to the Democrats…? Is the Pope German?
PLEASE
CREDIT ANY QUOTES OR EXCERPTS FROM THIS NBC TELEVISION PROGRAM TO "NBC
NEWS' MEET THE PRESS."
This
is a rush transcript provided for the information and convenience of the
press. Accuracy is snot guaranteed. In case of doubt, please check with MEET
THE PRESS - NBC NEWS at (202) 885-4598, Sundays: (202) 885-4200
NBC
News MEET THE PRESS
Sunday,
May 22, 2005
Guest:
Howard Dean, Chairman of the Democratic Party
Moderator:
Tim Russert, NBC News
MR.
TIM RUSSERT: Our issues this Sunday: Political stuff. Our guest,
Governor Howard Dean of Vermont. Welcome...
DR.
HOWARD DEAN: Thanks, Tim.
MR.
RUSSERT: Let's go right to it. How are you?
DR.
HOWARD DEAN: I’m fine, thanks.
MR.
RUSSERT: And the family?
DR.
HOWARD DEAN: They’re good, thanks…
MR.
RUSSERT: I heard you had a rash. Has it cleared up?
DR.
HOWARD DEAN: It sure has, thanks. Actually, it’s a funny story...
MR.
RUSSERT: Okay, the Republicans say that if the Democrats do not stop
filibustering their judicial appointments made by President Bush, they will
change the rules for the filibuster. What will that change mean?
DR.
DEAN: I don’t know. But I can tell you this: Those guys are all
two-faced, lying, stupid, assholes... Can I say stupid on TV?
MR.
RUSSERT: Stupid and TV go hand in hand. But you can’t say
“asshole.” Not on NBC. On Fox you can.
DR.
DEAN: Well, then it’s good for something. Sorry, where were we?
MR.
RUSSERT: I don’t remember... Um, Pat Leahy, your colleague from
Vermont, said something of interest a while ago... I can’t remember what it
was...
DR.
DEAN: Who can?
MR.
RUSSERT: Umm... Okay, Tom DeLay was at a dinner on May 12 being honored
by Republicans and conservatives. He had this to say about you, Howard
Dean. Let's watch.
(Videotape,
May 12):
REP.
TOM DELAY, (R-TX): Democrats around the country are growing more and
more alienated every day because they see that the once-great party of
Roosevelt and Kennedy has become the party of that stupid asshole. Howard
Dean.
(End
videotape)
DR.
DEAN: Well, what do you know? You can also say “asshole” on NBC.
Wrong again, Tim! ...And Roosevelt married a dyke. And Kennedy, that guy
screwed anything with a pulse, so I don’t see what’s so great about them.
Of course, Tom DeLay is welcome to say whatever he wants about me, but I’d
never say anything like that about him.
MR.
RUSSERT: But, Governor, you did on May 14 say something about Tom DeLay
that raised a lot of eyebrows. Let's watch Howard Dean on Tom DeLay.
(Videotape,
May 14):
DR.
DEAN: I think that stupid asshole Tom DeLay ought to go back to Houston,
where he can serve his jail sentence down there courtesy of the Texas
taxpayers.
(End
videotape)
DR.
DEAN: Well, that wasn’t me... It was... my evil twin brother. His name
is Herb.
MR.
RUSSERT: Thanks for clearing that up. You said in December of 2003 that
we shouldn't prejudge Osama bin Laden. How can you sit here and have a
different standard for Tom DeLay and prejudge him?
DR.
DEAN: To be honest with you, Tim, you’re starting to piss me off.
MR.
RUSSERT: But shouldn't that be for a jury to decide and not you?
DR.
DEAN: No, I think I can handle that.
MR.
RUSSERT: Barney Frank, a liberal Democrat, said, "That's just
wrong. I think that Howard Dean was out of line talking about that
guilty criminal DeLay.”
DR.
DEAN: Look, I thought we were here to talk about my rash...
MR.
RUSSERT: This is what you told The Philadelphia Inquirer.
"[Dean] said Democrats need to message discipline.' He said they
should for the present forego the satisfaction of attacking House Majority
Leader Tom DeLay's ethics problems ... and focus on attacking Bush's plan to
create private Social Security accounts."
DR.
DEAN: Yeah, but I’d been drinking.
MR.
RUSSERT: I want to talk about your rhetoric.
DR.
DEAN: I noticed you had your eye on it. It’s 12 inches of uncut trouser
snake.
MR.
RUSSERT: In March, you said, "Republicans are brain dead." You
mentioned you're a physician--and this is April. "[Dean] did draw
howls of laughter by mimicking a drug-snorting Rush Limbaugh. `I'm not
very dignified,' Dean said."
DR.
DEAN: Well, that's true. A lot of people have accused me of not
being dignified. YEEEE HAWWWW!
MR.
RUSSERT: But is it appropriate for a physician to mock somebody who has
gone into therapy for drug addiction?
DR.
DEAN: If that person is Rush Limbaugh, by all means.
MR.
RUSSERT: We're going to take a quick break. A lot more of our
conversation with Governor Howard Dean, the chairman of the Democratic Party,
right after this. (Russert
holds up Hemorrhoid Cream) “Do you suffer from hemorrhoids the size of
golf balls? I know I do. That’s why I use Henry’s Hemorrhoid Cream...
Henry’s Hemorrhoid Cream – It relieves the burning itch and the bloody
sores... And we are back talking to Howard Dean.
Newt Gingrich, when you were elected chairman of the party, said the
Democrats must have a death wish.
DR.
DEAN: I heard that. Yesterday he bussed my table. Did a good job too...
MR.
RUSSERT: In your home state of Vermont, there's a vacancy for the United
States Senate about to occur. Bernie Sanders, the congressman from
Vermont, wants to run for that seat. He is a self- described avowed
socialist.
DR.
DEAN: Well, that's what he says. He's really a populist.
MR.
RUSSERT: But is there room in the Democratic Party for a socialist?
DR.
DEAN: Well, first of all, he's not a socialist.
MR.
RUSSERT: Yes he is!
DR.
DEAN: Is not!
MR.
RUSSERT: Is too!
DR.
DEAN: Is not!
MR.
RUSSERT: Nu, uh, is so. He wrote in his book: "Outside or in
the House, I am a Democratic socialist."
DR.
DEAN: Well, a Democratic socialist – all right, we're talking about
words here. And what do words mean? Nothing. And you can quote me on
that.
MR.
RUSSERT: Okay I will! You describe yourself as being blunt, that what
differentiates you from others is that you will be blunt. "I have
to be blunt. It's what will differentiate me from the others.
Blunt is what I do. I think there's an enormous market for somebody who
says what he thinks."
DR.
DEAN: You know, Tim, you really are a simpering, ignorant, fuck. How’s
that for blunt?
MR.
RUSSERT: Will Howard Dean run for president?
DR.
DEAN: I don't have any idea. Which really makes me prefect for the
job, doesn’t it?
MR.
RUSSERT: Governor Howard Dean, as always, we thank you for joining us
and sharing your views.
DR.
DEAN: Tim, go to Hell.
MR.
RUSSERT: Coming next, our MEET THE PRESS Minute, with another Democratic
Party loudmouth who’s name eludes me at the present moment. We'll be right
back… (Holds up bag of dog food) Doesn’t your dog deserve the best?
Then why not feed him Kibble’s Poochie Treats…
Your
Horoscope:
Aries:
Your shameless vanity and an errant cow shall finally come together.
Taurus: Avoid masseuses at all costs.
Gemini: A new moon in your sign means absolutely nothing.
Cancer: The weather will play no role in your choice of
wardrobe.
Leo: You will discover a valuable waste of time.
Virgo: Your compassionate nature will allow others to continue to take
advantage of you.
Libra: Your drinking finally catches up with you.
Scorpio: You will receive a
bill in the mail.
Sagittarius: You will not date a circus freak.
Capricorn: Strangers will continue to avoid you.
Aquarius: Your bed will not collapse – today!
Pisces: A loved one will think of you – and then shake their head in
disgust.
Link Of The Week: Doug’s
Dynamic Drivel
I
just can’t say enough good things about Doug Alder’s Blog. But let me try.
What makes it stand out from the crowd are Doug’s personal touches: The
guy’s incredibly perceptive, thoughtful, funny, and, he’s Canadian.
I visit this site every day – check it out. You’ll be glad you did.
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