"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
June 20
CBS
Plans Pope John Paul Mini-Series:
Sexy & Violent TV Flick to be “Loosely Based” on His Life
CBS television has given producers the
go-ahead for a big-budget miniseries charting the often sexy and frequently
drunken and violent life of the late Pope John Paul II.
The network says it is getting
notes from the Vatican, although it added that “those religious guys don’t
really understand a story arc.”
The four-hour, fast paced, sexy, action
thriller is tentatively titled The Pope – Kicking Catholic Ass! The
network admits that it had originally considered the more conventional title Pope
John Paul II, but “the II made it sound more like a sequel – a boring
sequel,” said a network tube swami.
The saga will chronicle the story of Karol
Wojtyla from his youth in a Polish rock n’ roll garage band, through his
troubles with heroin and groupies to the fateful day he saw God while
hallucinating on LSD.
“We’re gonna keep the stuff about his
church experience to a minimum. The real story here is of a young Pole who
wants to rock harder than Elvis,” said a network executroid.
The program is being made by the producers
behind the network’s hit miniseries “Jesus – The Hookers and Halos”
which aired several years ago and starred one of the guys from Kiss in the
title role and Whoopi Goldberg as the hooker with the heart of gold who loved
him, Mary Magdalene.
No casting decisions on the pope project
had been made, a CBS spokesman said, but the network is said to be looking for
a “pious stud.”
The upcoming papal biography on CBS, the
most-watched U.S. television network, comes amid a recent flurry of
religion-themed programming on American television that has recently really
started to tank. Word is the folks at CBS are also developing religious
reality based shows. Projects in the works include “Who Wants To Be A
Martyr?” “The Next Pope Star” and “Jesus 911”
God save us all.
Your Horoscope:
Aries: When you measure your wealth in material terms alone, you really
come up short. When you measure it in personal terms, you begin to weep
uncontrollably. It’s official – you’re pathetic.
Taurus: Deep down you know you’re a joke. And yet you’re not laughing.
Why?
Gemini: All is fine until you look in the mirror.
Cancer: Mars and Jupiter are at opposite ends of the sky and this tug of
war teaches you nothing. However, you remain conflicted about all kinds of
stuff.
Leo: You’re
not wearing that outside, are you?
Virgo:
They say you shouldn’t judge anyone until you walk a mile in their shoes.
But who wants to wear someone else’s stinky shoes?
Libra: You discover that a clove of garlic has more personality than you
ever will.
Scorpio: You are being stretched to the limit. Your emotions are being
played upon. Your finances are in a mess. You are beating a loved one about
the head with a golf club...
Sagittarius: A phone call from a stranger will prove to be a wrong number.
Capricorn: You are in your car. You are lost and without a map – you refuse
to ask anyone for directions. You are a typical man.
Aquarius: You will purchase new cleaning products today but will still wind
up feeling empty.
Pisces: Life has recently kicked you
in the head. Now it’s aiming for your groin.
Link
Of The Week: Blogywood
Looking for a fun site with lots of superb
links? Then say hello and thank-you to Steven at Blogywood because he’s got
tons of great stuff for your Internet edification. Blogywood is chock-full of
wild and weird news stories, funny flash, amazing animation, general hilarity,
and, yes, babes. Plus, as a special bonus: It’s all for free! Why does he do
it? I can only guess it’s because he just cares too damn much. Take a peek.
You’ll be glad you did.
This Week’s 10
Words-Or-Less Celebrity Summations:
Jaleel
White (aka: Steve Urkel): Still universally
despised
Bat
Boy: Dead of rabies
Donny Rumsfeld: Completely out and hideous to the eye
(to the top)
To read all the other mildly
exciting editions of "Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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