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"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
June 19
A True Story...
The subject was philosophy... The day's topic was Nietzsche,
the philosopher well known for
his dislike of Christianity and famous for his statement, 'God is dead.'
Professor Hagen was lecturing and outside a thunderstorm was raging. It was a
good one. Flashes of lighting were followed closely by ominous claps of
thunder. Every time the professor would describe one of Nietzsche's anti-Christian
views the thunder seemingly echoed his remarks. At the high-point of the
lecture a bolt of lightning struck the ground near the classroom followed by a
deafening clap of thunder. The professor, non-plussed, walked to the window,
opened it, and starting jabbing at the sky with his umbrella. He yelled,
"You senile son of a bitch, your aim is getting worse!" Suffice
it to say that some students were offended by his irreverent remark and
brought it to the attention of the Department Head. The Department Head in
turn took it to the Dean of Humanities who called the professor in for a
meeting. The Dean reminded the professor that the students pay a lot of
tuition and that he shouldn't unnecessarily insult their beliefs.
"Oh," says the professor, "and what beliefs are those?"
"Well, you know," the Dean says, "most students attending this
University are Christians. We can't have you blaspheming during class."
"Surely," says the professor, "the merciful God of Christianity
wouldn't throw lightning bolts. It's Zeus who throws lightning bolts."
Later the Dean spoke with the Department Head, and said, "the next time
you have a problem with that professor you handle it, and let him make an ass
out of you instead."
Found
at One Good Move
June 18
Helpfully Insolent Father’s Day Suggestions
Father’s
Day was invented by the Irish so Gaelic dads could spend one Sunday a year
doing something they never got to do: drinking pints in a filthy pub until
they puked through their noses. The rest of the world celebrates this holiday by giving the poor bastard a tie. Here are my five fun
alternative Father’s Day gifts: 1. Kill his boss. If there’s one thing dad
hates more than work it’s his boss. Instead of buying dad a putter get a 2x4
and repeatedly hit his boss over the head with it until his skull is a smashed
up piece of pulp and you’re ankle deep in a pool of his blood. Dad will love
you forever! 2. Silence for 24 Hours:
Hey, you can go back to reminding the old man what an asshole he is on Monday.
3. Get Him A Hooker: dad gets
laid, the hooker gets paid; everyone’s a winner. 4. Buy Him A Bag of Pot: Dad’s connections ain’t what they used to
be, so show him some love and get him a half ounce of bud. He finally gets a
chance to mellow out and later he’ll order a pizza! 5. Move Out of the goddamned house! Nothing says, “I love you,
dad” like the back of a U-Haul.
This Week's 10 Fun
Search Terms for Avery Ant
The following are this
week’s favorite 10 search queries people used to get to www.averyant.com
(really!)
one minute of fame
ann coulter's affair
clown shoes meaning
lament by avery
which butterfly has hairy fat body
welcome back khadr
mad ecstasy faces twitching
job for a useless bastard
i am a total slut story
bugs bunny in drag
Last Christmas is so 2005...
Only 189 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to
the top)
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"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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