"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
February 11
Cartoon Without Caption Offends Everyone
Even the Godless are pissed off!
February 10
Shocking
Revelation – Freud’s Evil Twin Brother
Freud Fraud
The Vienna Crier
has printed excerpts from a long lost journal categorically proving
famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud had an evil twin brother who was the real
mastermind behind all of today’s pernicious Freudian Psychology and its
resulting psychobabble.
Evil
twin brother, Felix Freud is now being named as the fiend and the
“brains” behind the castration complex, penis envy, the theory of the
unconscious, infantile sexuality, and the “Big 3.” The Id, Ego, and Super Ego
(his brother, Sigmund, wanted to call them Huey, Dewey and Louie).
According to Sigmund, evil twin Felix was known for his wicked sense of humour and once
suggested to naive twin brother Ziggy, “Go show mother your Bavarian sausage and tell
her that you know for a fact she wishes she had one. Oh, and then read Oedipus.”
February 9
Prime Minister Hippo
Look at me! I'm gorging from the trough!!!
From The Globe & Mail. You know
them, they're the paper that endorsed Stephen Harper...
"Even as he creates a new rule that former ministers and ministerial staff
and senior public servants cannot lobby the federal government for five years
after they leave their jobs, Mr. Harper has named a former defence lobbyist to
the position of defence minister... That the Prime Minister sees no
contradiction is cause for worry."
Gretzky - Good friend, lousy husband
Remember when
Janet Gretzky was hit with a puck and hospitalized during a hockey game she
attended? Remember that the only reason she was at that hockey game was to see her hubby play in
it? Remember how after she was carted away, good ol’
Wayne just kept playing? Remember thinking, “Gee, this guy should get the
‘Husband of the Year Award’"?
Well, Mr. Family Man did it again!
When Wayne was asked about the charges facing Rick “The Gambler” Tocchet, good
ol’ Wayne said, “Everyone in the world is innocent until proven guilty… He’s a
good guy and a great friend.”
What a pal.
When asked about his “actress”
wife’s involvement in this mess, good ol’ Wayne said, “You’d have to ask her.”
What a husband!
February 8
The
Conservatives – Take A Look At Us Now!
No. of days it
took Harpo to prove himself a hypocrite...
Congratulations
Stephen. It took you all of ONE whole day to show us what a flaming hypocrite
you are!
One day.
That my friend, has to be a record. First off you prop an unelected
Conservative in your cabinet by appointing him to the Senate. Oh sure, you
railed against that kind of stuff when you didn’t have the job. I remember
listening to you rambling on about how these kinds of political shenanigans were
at the root of political corruption and sleaze. That was then, huh?
And then there’s the capper. Poaching a scummy Liberal who only days ago called
you and your cronies “heartless” and “angry” individuals who were
“uncomfortable with ethnic minorities.”
You
promise accountability and then act like an arrogant Liberal. Jesus Christ, you
even hired one!
I'll get
to work on a new nickname for you. Right now my working one is "Harpo the
Hypocrite." Or maybe just "Harpo the Hippo." Hey, you are fat
enough!
Bravo, Stephen. Bravo on those higher standards of yours!
February 7
Take the
Avery “Love Test”
With the Stupor Bowl over, the next thing we have to dread is Valentine’s Day.
Yes, we now move from the world of beer, pizza and cheering on big goons on
steroids, to the land of chocolates, flowers, and bad Hallmark poetry.
Oh, and we’ll also have to face those annoying little tests that suddenly pop up
everywhere that claim to tell you what kind of romantic you are.
Like this one...
The Avery Love Test:
1. When I think of Valentine’s Day I want to…
a) kill people
b) drink alone
c) masturbate compulsively
d) do something romantic
That’s
it. Simple, huh? So here are the results. If you chose…
a: You’re a psychotic and likely just recently out of jail once again, thus
proving that the courts and penal system have let society down.
b: You’re a lonely alcoholic. You’ll do the same thing you did on Stupor Bowl
Sunday and last Christmas – drink alone. Hey, knock yourself out! (Hint: A good
way is to stagger into a wall.)
c: You’re not so much a romantic as a sex addict. There’s a difference, and
sorry to tell you this but Hallmark hasn’t invented a card or day for you yet.
d:
You’re a romantic – or so you claim. This means you will likely do one of the
following: buy flowers; buy chocolate; buy a card; buy all of the above. Yeah,
how romantic!
February 6
The other
"offending" 11 comics can be seen at one my favourite blogs:
Doug’s Dynamic Drivel
February 5
Oh those easily offended Arabs!
Wow, quite the fury over 12 cartoons.
We all know that, much like Roman Catholics, those Islamic Fundamentalists
will never get accused of being able to laugh at themselves.
Honestly... The death threats; the recalling of diplomatic ambassadors,
and the demands of Arab countries that Denmark “punish” the Jyllands-Posten,
leads me to believe that their turbans may be on just a bit too tight.
For a bunch of guys who are willing to strap on bombs to make a point, they're
quick to turn into a gaggle of whiners when you joke about their god.
Relax, please, he's just a god; no better than you or me. In fact, I'm
sure that Mohammed can take the odd joke, so lighten up, okay fellas?
Instead of getting your robes in a twist over this maybe you could do some hand
wringing over your domestic issues like economic stagnation, oppression of
women, improving your education system, or anything else that might be
considered progressive, and, yes, wacky!
Here's a thought... Leave the embassies alone and pick on me. Yeah, me.
In fact, how's this sound? In the hopes of shifting some of your misplaced
anger, I, Avery, a cartoon ant, am more than happy to piss off the Muslim world
and be the new focus of their always explosive and misguided ire. Really,
I can get take it. Hey, I don't have a national cheese you can boycott.
So get ready for some serious teasing you kooky Muslims. All I need is a light
bulb and the exact number of Islamic Fundamentalists it takes to screw it
in. Let’s see…
Q: How many Islamic Fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
None. This is a joke and Islamic Fundamentalists don't have a sense of
humour.
This Week's 10 Fun Search Terms for
Avery Ant
The following are this week’s favorite 10 search queries
people used to get to www.averyant.com
(really!)
retro mom
curious george watch
avery porn star
lunar jim
watch ann coulter online
moxy & flea
tv guide critic avery
chow chow jokes
naked for a full body cavity search
bono groupies
Last Christmas is so 2005...
Only 318
Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to the top)
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