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"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
August 22
The
Banana's
Suicide Note
Dear
World,
It was just too much to go on… Especially as a banana.
I mean, I know I’m fun and phallic and everything but in the end
that’s not nearly enough.
People tell me I have plenty to live for… They say, “Hey banana, looking
good! Way to be the most versatile of all fruits.”
But that doesn’t stop the waves of depression.
Things have, frankly, become intolerable.
I now find myself crying at everything. Why just last night I watched a
Marx Brothers' film and wept because Harpo couldn’t talk.
That’s not good. My
doctor says it’s because I suffer from a natural sugar imbalance.
A sucrose, fructose, glucose thing.
I dunno… All I can say
for sure is that ever since Karen left, things have only gotten worse.
By the time you read this I’ll probably be covered in brown splotches and be
all soft and horrid. Please
remember me as I used to be.
Okay, well, I guess I should say something profound for my last words…
But that’s not going to happen so I’ll leave you with this…
If, when I’m cut down, you should slip on me, please laugh, because
after all, it’s a funny gag.
Imagine Meets
Walk On The Wild Side
Starring George Bush
and a cast of dubious characters. A
new and, of course, totally great video from the
party party
August 21
The Infernal Desire Machines of Doctor Hoffman (1 Picture 2 Views)
August 20
How to eat an Avery Ant Cookie
Today, we'll learn how to eat an Avery Ant cookie.
First thing you'll need is, of course, an Avery Ant cookie. Now this part is easy if you
have a friend named Spud who kindly bakes them for you. If not, then this is
the hardest part and will require about 4 hours of baking. Once baked up, the
end results should look like this...
Okay, now it's time to eat one! I suggest putting a couple on a
plate.
Now hold your cookie up and prepare to savor the delicious flavor.
Don't forget your glass of milk!
Dip the cookie in the milk...
My half munched head never tasted so good!
Enjoy! Thanks again, Spud.
August 18
Steveo
Harper: Part The II
Stephen Harper has, as we all know, taken a rather strong stance
against same sex marriages. So
much so that it is was the very reason he didn’t show up at The AIDS
Conference.
Or maybe he just can’t control his hormones around all those gay folk. In
fact, one has to wonder if Stephen is harbouring some deep unfulfilled
longings. Now I'm not saying that
Stephen is gay (cough) , in fact, there’s no evidence that the guy
has even masturbated, but looking at the pictures below of the supposedly
flaming Spongebob Squarepants and Stephen Harper, one mist concede that the
resemblance is striking.
 
August 17
Steveo Harper: Why I
skipped the AIDS thingy…
Greetings
Canada
,
Your glorious PM here. Look, I
know some of you folks have got your panties in a knot over me being a no show
at this AIDS conference thingy, but I just couldn’t make it.
Why? Well, uh, I was in the North checking out seals and asserting
Canadian sovereignty over the
Arctic. Another reason I was a no show
is that I didn’t want to go and surround myself with, you know, those
people… But the main reason I
passed was because I wanted to spend some quality time with my tailor getting
my new fall wardrobe ready for parliament.
I’ve included a few snap shots for your viewing pleasure.
I think I look pretty snazzy and once those AIDS people get a load of my
new look there’ll be no more mention of this AIDS nonsense…
Check out my glamour shots and then try and tell me this isn’t a
fashion statement of a truly divine and Progressive PM.
At
first I was a little nervous about this look. So
I had my people remove all the fruits – especially the bananas!
I know, I know, Freud said, “Sometimes a banana is just a banana,”
but still… At least, I think that’s what he said… Or was it cumquats?
Cucumbers?
I
wasn’t sure about all the frilly lace. And truth be told, the chastity belt
is a real bitch to put on, but this outfit makes me look
and feel like a royal
winner.
This
one is for my American buddies. I always look forward to seeing George.
He's my friend. Yes, I really think this a good look for me.
Canadian Gothic, aka:
America
’s
bitch!!!!
I never knew silk could
feel so… glorious. I think
I’ll wear this little number to the opening day of Parliament.
The party colours really bring out my eyes!
Next time those smug AIDS jerks try and accuse me of making a mistake that
puts me on the wrong side of history, I’ll wear this little number.
That’ll get their eyes popping. Personally,
I find it a little tight around the groin, but these are the sacrifices one
must make for public life.
This Week's 10 Fun
Search Terms for Avery Ant
The following are this
week’s favorite 10 search queries people used to get to www.averyant.com
(really!)
are george bush and laura bush getting a divorce
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crucifiction cross tattoos
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site de talibant
Last Christmas is so 2005...
Only 126 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
(to
the top)
To read all the other mildly exciting editions of
"Avery's Daily Journal" visit
"Avery's Journal Archives"
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