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August 11

Fashion Faux Pas For Men – Don’t Try These Outside of Home

Open up the latest issue of GQ, and what do you see? Poorly written articles and an endless homage to male vanity.

Now as far as I’m concerned, a slave to fashion is still ultimately – nicely dressed or not – a fashion victim.

And so, for those poor victims, here are the five latest fashion statements that are deemed “deplorable” by the elitist fashionistas and pretentious gadabouts, fops, and general snot-rags that work at GQ.

Now you know...

The kilt

If you’re sporting a kilt, the general public might think you’re a drunken Scotsman looking for a fight and willing to show off his hairy balls. If you’re sporting an accompanying sporran, the general public might think you’re a drunken Scotsman looking to cut off their balls. If you’re wearing your kilt over your head and urinating in public, then congratulations – you are the real deal. And everyone loves authenticity! They just hate kilts – so don’t wear one.

The single nose earring

Back in the ’80s, it was said that if a guy wore only one nose earring he was a circus freak. In the 90’s, the guy was trendy. Today if both aren’t pierced in order to obtain the symmetrical look, your sexuality will come into question: As in your utter lack of one. Hey, we don’t make the rules – those smug double-nosed pierced bastards at GQ do!

Loafers with the wrong accoutrements

Loafers without attitude don’t work. Loafers with a punk hairdo don’t work. Loafers without socks are apparently worse than masturbating in front of your grandmother while strangling a puppy. And if you’re thinking of wearing loafers with a sweater around your neck then just go and hang yourself. Oh, and according to those in the know, most loafers don’t breathe well. What are the right accoutrements to wear with loafers? Well, GQ isn’t going to tell you that! Then who would they have to snicker at, hmm? 

The Salvador Dali waxed moustache

Apparently the Daliesque mustache is as dead as fur lined maggots in a barrel of fish, and even deader than a "surreal estate" joke.  Best bet is stay clear of facial hair all round. But feel free to wear a melted clock around your neck – those are hot, hot, hot! 

The codpiece

If you must stuff – use the codpiece. It’s back and it’s “bigger” than ever. So put on your tight fitting breeches and attach the pouch at the crotch. Like the plague and syphilis, the codpiece is a timeless classic! Just kidding.  Don't wear it.  It's hideous.

This Week's 10 Fun Search Terms for Avery Ant

The following are this week’s favorite 10 search queries people used to get to www.averyant.com   (really!)

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Last Christmas is so 2005...

Only 136 Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!

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