"I Think, Therefore I Ant."
April 22
What The Queen Did For Her Birthday
I called Liz and I asked her, “So, what did ya do for your birthday – you dusty
and stroppy old toe rag!”
She was actually pretty gracious and gave me a blow by blow account of her day.
”Well Avery, you fucking tosser,” she said, “first thing I had to do was do my
duty and allow that bleeding bounder Phillip to roger me. You’d think it was
his birthday – the bastard! But now wot ‘e’s got all that bloody Viagra, ‘e
wants it all the time. Bloody hell. Anyway, as we was making the beast with two
bleedin’ backs, I lay back and thought of The Queen of England. Which as every
geezer knows is me. Once that foul chore was well over, I called in me
dogsbodies to serve up my birthday breakfast of kippers. It was dead tasty.
After that, I hoped in the carriage and spent the afternoon in the pub knocking
back the pints and watching the horse races. Now that was brilliant! By mid
afternoon, I was right pissed. Don’t remember much of the day after that to be
honest. I kind of recall getting into a fight with some bloke and his bird. I
think I brained him with a pint glass. After that it’s a blank… Which must mean
I had fun!”
April 21
Are You a
Workaholic?
Work addiction is an
unrestrained internal demand for constant engagement in work. Oh, and as far as
I’m concerned it is completely unfathomable.
A person with work addiction – also known as a
sap
or
workaholic – is incessantly
driven and a crashing bore at any social occasion. The good news there is that
they are usually at work and therefore not available to attend social gatherings
where they would talk endlessly about their jobs.
I find these people hard to feel sorry for. At least alcoholics can sometimes
be fun.
For many workaholics,
their job is the only area in which they can establish and maintain their
identities: Which is that of the person who works too much… Which is a very
lousy identity!
Personally, I’d prefer to be known as “the guy who eats all the food at the
buffet table” or hell, even the guy who people point at and say, “who invited
him?”
Unlike the workaholic/sap, these labels provide me with none of the feelings of
inadequacy and ineffectiveness that the workaholic must endure, while alone at
the office night after night.
Before I go on (and I know I do), letīs clarify what a workaholic is not:
Fun
Vaguely human
Around for his/her birthday parties
Addicted to either shopping, sex, or anything else non- work related
Available for Christmas
So... Are you a Workaholic?
Change begins with
ownership. Consider the following 10 questions in relation to your work and your
feelings about your work identity.
1. Are you reading this
at work? (Ha! Just kidding!)
2. When you leave work in the evening, do you then discover it is now morning
and so you must not leave but stay and get an early start?
3. Does the above make you happy?
4. Do you work alone?
5. Do you hide work about the house and do it when no one is looking?
6. Do you tell worried friends and family that you could “quit at any time.”
7. Do you suffer work related black outs?
8. Do you work and drive at the same time?
9. Do you prefer the company of your work pencils over people?
10. Do you have withdrawal symptoms when not working, such as the jimjams,
blood in your stools, lazy eye, or psychotic episodes?
Curing the
Addiction
If you answered yes to
most of those questions, you may be a candidate for workaholics anonymous.
Establish a Boundary
Establish a clear
boundary between your work life and your private life. If you feel guilty or
uncomfortable with taking time off, look at it this way: You’re going to fail
and go back to work, so why not just get back to work?
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Last Christmas is so 2005...
Only 247
Shopping Days Left Until Xmas!
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